A Gift of Love
by rachgreengeller
Summary: The only way to get her through this is the love of her friends, her family, and the man who loves her. They have stood through divorce , marriages , career, and other people , can their love survive this supreme test? Total R and R....
1. Chapter 1

Oh God another story , well I am waiting for an audition and this is how I relax…to everyone who enjoys my stories…here is one that is a serious one…like to do these every once in a while… and maybe I will come up with my script ideas too… These characters are from the BKC Productions…..

Rachel sat in front of the mirror and put her hair in a ponytail. She rubbed cream on her hands and then put her diamond engagement ring and wedding band on her hand. She took a breath and then got up from the sear at the vanity and walked to the bed. Pulling back the sheets , she crawled into bed next to her husband.

He sat up , he had been waiting for her while he glanced at the new American Paleontologist journal. Putting down the book, he reached over and started to kiss her. His lips tapped her skin as he started to nibble at her neck and she pulled her ponytail aside as he moved his large hands down her neck . Pulling down the straps of her nightgown, he moved his hands over her shoulders and began to rub them.

"Mmm that is good." She smiled and dropped her neck. He kneaded her shoulders and she continued to make noises of contentment. He then slid his hands down . There they were , the two most perfect breasts, ever since she had given birth to their second child her breasts were now a little more fuller. He slid his fingers slowly over the nipples and then he moved them to please her. Ross had been moving slowly and then he felt something.

"Rach." He said as his thumb moved over the spot a few times. "I am feeling something weird. It feels hard actually." He said. Rachel took his hand and then traced where he had just felt."Oh I didn't feel that before." She admitted. She then moved his hand away and took her own fingertips and lightly tapped it. Her face started to register panic as she began to feel the abnormality.

"It is probably nothing , honey." Ross said to assure her as well as himself that it was nothing. "I mean with the baby, you probably just have some sort of milk duct or cyst or something." He said assured.

"You're right." She smiled. "I mean we can't have me thinking all sorts of crazy things. You know and then start to panic , then go through all these tests and stuff, and then find out it is nothing."

Ross looked thoughtfully at her. "Yeah , but I think it would be a good idea to get it checked out anyway. I mean better safe then sorry. You just have the doctor look at it."

"Okay I will make an appointment on Monday after work." Rachel smiled and then she turned off the light. The mood was kind of ruined by the discovery, so she laid her head on the pillow and then closed her eyes. He could tell it was on her mind, so he rested his hand on hers . Her eyes began to water as she closed them again , then they popped open. She looked down at her breasts and began to wonder.

"Mrs. Geller?" the nurse said as Rachel held the paper gown together with her hands. "Follow me." The nurse opened a door and there was the mammography machine. The nurse took the gown from her and led her to the machine. With her one breast, the technician lifted the machinery and put her breast between the cold metal and the slide . Rachel felt the machine drop on her breast and sandwich it , causing her to feel the pull as the technician ran behind the wall and took the mammogram and then she came and repeated the whole thing again.

"We will have the results in a few days. I really don't think it will be anything serious." Dr. Long said sympathetically. "Ross was right to have you come in and have it looked at though." Rachel was so relieved and then she got dressed and got in her car. She was going to day care to pick up Emma and Isabelle.

"Mommy I drewed a picture." Emma announced as she shook the picture in front of Rachel. Rachel strained her eyes as she tried to figure out the paper. "That's pretty . What is that?" Rachel said as she turned the paper to figure it out . "It is a dinosaur." Emma announced proudly. Rachel just shook her head. "Ross ' child , alright, she thought. Isabelle just sat in her seat quietly since she was only a year old.

Rachel headed home on the Expressway. She didn't need this, a traffic jam and a screaming baby. She put her manicured fingers up to her temples and began to massage them. Emma was in the back watching a dvd with Isabelle, but at least she was being quiet. The minivan was going no where. Suddenly her cell rang, "Ross? Yeah I am headed home but caught in rush hour traffic. Chinese ? Yeah that's fine. Okay I will see you when I get there." She turned on the radio to ease her mind. The mammogram also loomed in her thoughts. Three days? Well those doctors don't have to put their lives on hold do they? She thought angrily. The radio did help , suddenly it was playing an oldie U2 With or Without You. A smile came to her face as she remembered that was one of their songs and even the first time it was dedicated to her the night he made that dumb list. She started to sing along as the music lifted her spirits and then the cars began to move. The jam was breaking up and now she could pick up speed.

The phone had rang and he picked it up. It could have been a wrong number , but it wasn't . He looked down at the pad he hurriedly scribbled the note down on. He held it up and then he shook his head.No this happens in soap operas, and on Lifetime, it did not happen in real life. He wanted to call everyone . He wanted to dial California. He wanted to tell her parents and his, he wanted to call his family. But there was no conclusions yet. The doctor had said that there was an abnormality and that was why they wanted to talk to both of them tomorrow at two. He had called work and told them he couldn't come in and then gave an explanation. The dean herself had it so she was sympathetic , she said if he or Rachel needed anything , feel free to call. He couldn't hear himself say it, he couldn't say the words or anything. In his line of work, there were a lot of words that other people could neither spell or pronounce. He took his hand and pushed it through his thick black hair and then breathed and shook his head. He glanced down at the gold band on his hand. This was going to be hard.

"I am so hungry." Rachel said as she carried in Isabelle and Emma ran to her father and jumped into his arms. Ross just stood and looked at her . How was he going to do this?

"Emma why don't you take you and your sister and play for a little while , Mommy and Daddy have to talk about some grown up stuff." Ross said as Emma took her sister's hand and went to their rooms. She would give Daddy her picture later. He closed the door and had a very serious look on his face. Rachel had no idea what was going on, then it dawned on her.

"Rachel, honey." He said as he led her over to the couch and the two of them sat down. He put his head down and then he took her hand and rubbed it. "Dr. Long called. She is sending you to a Dr. Cannon and we have to meet with her at two tomorrow."

"Why is Dr. Long sending me to another doctor? Did I do something wrong?" she asked innocently.

"No it's not that at all. Dr. Cannon is just more trained to deal with this sort of thing than Dr. Long is. She is." He didn't want to say the words because these are the kind of words that can kill or damage someone.

"She is an oncologist." Maybe by using the big words , he could delay the damage. "Rachel, they found something on the mammogram, an abnormality , and they want you to have a biopsy." Her mind could still not comprehend it.

Ross took a big breath and then said it. "They think you might have breast cancer."


	2. It Could Be

Ross and Rachel sat in the reception room . Rachel looked down at the floor and Ross tried to lose himself in a magazine. As she looked around , she couldn't help to see what decorated the walls. There were posters of happy , smiling bald women who joined hands in celebration. Rachel ran her hands through her golden brown hair and then shuddered. Would she be one who would be next?

He was always the strong one. He had been through so much. A marriage that ended with a disclosure and a wife that left him for another woman. A tragic breakup that changed things forever. A whirlwind courtship and marriage that ultimately resulted in a divorce and losing his apartment and job. This was the worst of it, facing disease and possibly death. Emma and Isabella were at Mon and Chandler's . Both of them felt that they should tell their best friends because they did not know what was ahead , and this way they could have the support they needed. Monica hugged her in support and then the two women cried together. Chandler assured Ross they would not tell anyone until they were ready.

"We don't know anything yet. It could still just be a cyst ." the words came out of his mouth, but he was still trying to believe it. "We only told you guys because you are the ones we are the closest to. No sense in worrying Joey or Pheebs yet." He thought back to the conversation.

"Dr and Mrs. Geller, Dr. Cannon will see you now." The two got up and walked into the office. Dr. Cannon was a short woman with red hair and glasses that rested on her nose. "Hello Rachel, Ross, Please sit down. Now I see the mammogram and this is the spot that concerned Dr. Long and it concerns me as well. " Rachel strained her eyes , remembering her difficulty when she was pregnant with Emma. Ross could see it clearly.

"This spot seems to be larger than the other ones. It is also located near a duct, and it seems to be thicker according to the mammogram. The procedure I have in mind is very simple. We are going to numb a section of your breast and then take a needle. " Ross cringed at that , since he hated needles. "Draw the fluid out of it and have a section analyzed in the lab. Depending on what we find, then we will take the next step." Dr. Cannon said methodically.

"And when would you like to do that?" Rachel asked nervously. "I think we should schedule as soon as possible. Monday, sounds good." Rachel realized it was Friday. "Nine a.m." she announced. "Have her here at seven." Ross knew he would have to take another day off , but his place was there.He did not want to have to sit by himself as he waited for her. "How long should the procedure take?' he asked.

"Well it shouldn't take more than a hour. If there is something we would like to proceed and I would rather admit her , if we have to do a massectomy, so if she is up in surgery more than an hour , then you should have your answer." Dr. Cannon hated to give this kind of information. She was still so young and beautiful and he had such love in his eyes as he looked at her. She could see the tears forming as he looked at her.

They got up and walked slowly toward the door. "So I will see you two Monday morning early. Here is a paper to tell you what to do before the procedure. Rachel can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight on Sunday. She should also have water to cleanse her system." Dr. Cannon explained. " Nothing has been found yet, this is just what we suspect ." Then she shut the door.

On the ride home, the two of them sat in silence. Rachel looked down at the paper and then she folded it and put it in her purse. Ross placed his hand on the steering wheel and blew air out of his lips. They were avoiding each other and it. His eyes were covered with his sunglasses , mostly because he didn't want her to see his tearful eyes.

"Ross , please don't shut me out." She begged. "Now I need you more than ever."

"I just , I have never been able to deal with this kind of thing very well, I have always lived in denial when it comes to news like this." He stuttered nervously.

"Ross?" if I would have to have the surgery, the massectomy , "Would it change how you feel about me?" Rachel said nervously. Ross looked over at her . "Of course it wouldn't , you are the woman I love and married. I would not let this affect how I feel." Rachel heard the words , but it was yet if she believed it. With her , it was always about her looks. In high school , it was the way she filled out her cheerleading sweater. When the list was made, he said she was a little too concerned about her looks. Even the business she was in was fashion, had to do with appearance. Would this all change everything?

When they arrived at Monica's , Phoebe and Mike were there as well. Phoebe popped up from the couch and embraced her . "I am sorry, but I just thought it would be better if she knew , because you could use all the support you could." Monica admitted.

"I am going to cleanse your aura , so it will be clean for the operation." Phoebe said . "And here are some healing crystals , you should hold them ." Rachel put them in her hand and kissed Phoebe on the cheek.

"Where are the kids?" Ross asked. "Oh Chandler , took them for ice cream , we kind of thought we could talk while they were gone." Monica explained.

"So what did the doctor say?" she asked anxiously.

"Well they want to do a biopsy , and if they find anything , they want to keep me in and take care of it. " Rachel spit out the words.

"Mon , could you and Chandler come down with us on Monday? I don't want to have to sit in that waiting room with two kids by myself . And if she does have to , I just can't deal with this by myself." Ross admitted .

"Of course we will. Have you called Mom and Dad yet?" Monica asked.

"No and we have to call Rach's parents yet. And her sisters."

"My dumb sisters will probably think I am going in for a boob job." Muttered Rachel.

"I am coming too." Declared Phoebe. "You guys are family."

"I want Joey to know." Rachel whispered. "I just would feel better with all my friends knowing. " Ross ran his hand over her back as Monica looked on.

"Then Sunday, we will have an evening to take your mind off of it. I will make a nice dinner and play some games , watch a movie , stuff like that, we are going to be here for you , sweetie." Monica said. This made her feel so good.

By Sunday afternoon, everyone knew, Judy had even told her that Richard had sent over a doctor in case they wanted a second opinion. That of course, made Chandler nervous . But then Leonard came over unexpectedly,

Rachel was sitting in the chair when he came in. "Pumpkin, I have been talking to my friends. Dr. Cannon is one of the best." This was a man who was a doctor himself and he never showed his truly feelings . His worry could not be shown in his face. Ross came from his study where he was grading papers. "Oh hello Dr. Green." He said. Emma and Isabelle ran to him . "Grandpa.!' They screamed. He loved his only grandchildren very much. "And how are Poppi's little darlings?" He opened up his wallet and gave them each a ten dollar bill.

"Daddy ,we agreed , no more spoiling them." Rachel said . "I am sorry sweetie , but they are my only grandchildren. God only knows if those two others will ever settle down." He said. "Geller, I hope you are taking care of my pumpkin."

"I am going to be there with her tomorrow morning." Ross assured Leonard. "From the time they take her to surgery."

"Well I can't be there , so I want you to call me when she is out of surgery. Think you can do that , Dr. Wethead?" he said.

Ross was getting tired of the insults. He had never been the favorite of Dr. Green, mostly because of the whole break incident and then not marrying Rachel after she got pregnant with Emma. But by now , you would think that he would actually have a little bit more respect since they had gotten married and had another child. "Dr. Green, there isn't one person that means more to me than your daughter. I may have made some mistakes in the past, but I made a promise that I would love her in sickness and in health. I made that promise in front of God and our friends , and I am a man of my word , I will not leave her and I will be there for her , every step of the way." Ross said forcefully.

"Glad to hear that." Dr. Green shook his hand. "Honey, it's all going to be alright." He came up to Rachel and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Keep good thoughts." He said as he left the house. Emma and Isabelle stood as their grandfather left. Ross knew he had to tell them .

"Girls could you come over here. " he said. He put Emma on his lap and then Isabella on the floor. "Now Emma, Mommy has to go somewhere tomorrow. We are going to get up real early and drive into the city because Mommy is going to the hospital ." Emma got excited. "Is Mommy going to have another baby?" she jumped up and down.

"No, she is going to have the doctor do some tests on her. She may have to go away for a while too." Ross felt bad about having to tell their four year old about this. Isabella was of course too young to understand any of this.

Rachel took another bite of the cheesecake. It was delicious and Monica had ordered it especially from Mama' Little Bakery in Chicago. She had also made lamb and red potatoes , all of her favorites. She washed it all down with a bottle of water . As the evening progressed, everyone sat down and watched Weekend at Bernies and then played Scene It. Finally it was midnight, and the party stopped.

"I think we should be going. After all, we have to be up early."Ross said. "I will see you guys at the hospital tomorrow." Rachel ran to hug all her friends and then she gathered up the kids stuff . She put Isabella in her carrier. Ross put a sleeping Emma over his shoulder and the two left.

After the children were asleep, Rachel crawled into bed where Ross patted her side of the bed and she smiled. She knew what he was up to . He pushed her hair to the side and then began to bite her neck. She began to moan with pleasure. His hand then moved down her straps and he nuzzled her skin. She knew what was next. "Ross what in the hell are you doing?' she screamed as she pulled away.

"I was just trying to make you feel good." He said innocently.

"How do you think that makes me feel? I am going to have surgery tomorrow and you start to touch me there. " Rachel protested. "Do me a favor Ross, just leave me alone right now." She said as she turned over and pulled away from him. She closed her eyes and ran her hand down her breast, wondering if she would have it tomorrow and if it would affect them.

Rachel sat in the wheelchair as the admitting clerk typed out the information. Ross stood behind her as he opened his wallet and took out his insurance card and then hers as well. The kids were with Monica getting some breakfast while they were admitting Rachel.The nurse took the bracelet and wrapped it around her wrist. She looked down at it.

The orderly pressed the button marked ten. "Ten is oncology." He announced. Rachel remembered what that meant and then burst into tears. He leaned his head down to hers and for the first time they cried for the unknown.

Rachel had her hair tucked under the cap as she was put on the gurney. The orderly took the iv hose and hung it on the hooks. She looked so tiny and small under that sheet and he could feel her hand shaking . He looked down with tears in his eyes as they walked slowly to the elevator.The doors closed and then they arrived on the eighteenth floor. A sign said surgery and then the gurney was rolled up to the massive doors. Earlier they had signed a paper that if the situation merited it, to go ahead and take off the breast. Reconstructive surgery would be done at a later date. If there was indeed cancer and it was serious enough , to go ahead with the surgery to remove the breast. The gurney stopped as the orderly pushed a button and the doors opened. "Afraid that is all the further you can go. " the nurse said. "We'll take it from here." Ross leaned down and kissed Rachel. "I love you and nothing is going to change that." He said tearfully. She looked up to him and smiled as the orderly rolled her through the doors .

Monica sat with her children and her brothers. Chandler was watching Live with Regis and Kelly on the television. Ross came out from the door and then he put his head in his hands. Monica got up and came over and gave him a hug.

"She has to be alright, I will never make it without her." He cried as he melted into his sisters arms.


	3. This is a Nightmare

"Thanks Chandler." Ross said as he took the coffee cup from him. He looked down at his watch and they still hadn't heard anything. He remembered what the doctor said about if the surgery took longer what would be happening. He walked outside to check his messages and noticed he got a call.

"Hey Joey, no she isn't out of surgery yet. I am worried , but there isn't anything I can do right now. I 'll call you when we know more." He turned around and then he saw his brother in law next to him with a cigarette in mouth as he lit it.

"Do you think that is going to help?" Ross asked as Chandler took a puff. "I needed to get out of there." He said between puffs.

"It is my wife, not yours, your wife is in there playing cards with our kids while my wife is having a surgeon chop away her body You have no right to worry about her at all." Ross ranted . "I mean your wife is perfectly healthy." Then he started to break down. "Your wife doesn' t have cancer." Chandler took him in his arms and let the cigarette hang out of his mouth. He just let the bigger man cry as much as he wanted.

They had been gone for quite a while and Monica knew they needed time to be alone, so she didn't go and look for them. Phoebe and Mike arrived and took the kids for Happy Meals and so they could play . Sandra Green came and sat down as she also waited to see how her daughter was.

Ross and Chandler came back in. At that moment , Judy and Jack arrived as well. "Oh Mom." He sobbed . "She is still in surgery." Judy held her son like he was a little boy and not an almost forty year old man. "There , there ." she said . Jack gave his daughter a hug. "It's been hell here all morning , and we still haven't gotten any word yet." Monica griped.

A surgeon came down the hall with the mask hanging down from his face around his neck. "Geller?" he said as he looked around. Ross broke away from his mother and ran to him. "How is she?" The surgeon put his arm around Ross and guided him to another room, then he stopped. "That is my parents , that is her mother, and they are all family, what you say can been said in front of any of them." The doctor stopped and sat down. "Well it was malignant , and it was pretty deep as well. We had to go ahead and take her right breast." Monica put her hand to her mouth and Sandra started to sob. "We will have to discuss the protocol at a later date, what treatment we will use. Rachel will have to have reconstructive surgery at a later date after the cancer is gone. She is still very drowsy and in a lot of pain so we have her hooked up to a morphine drip . I suggest that only two of you go at a time, but Dr. Geller , you should go first." The surgeon had said his piece and now wanted to unwind with a cigar . "Follow me." Ross got up and walked to the elevator. They arrived back on ten.

Rachel 's eyes were closed as she slept with the beeping of the iv , her chest had a large gauge bandage on it. There was also a catheter out of her side that was leaking into a large bag filled with blood and puss. Ross kind of tried to ignore that. Ross came over to the side of the bed and carefully so that none of the apparatus would be disturbed, took her hand and squeezed it. "Rach?" he said softly.

Her eyes drifted open slowly as she couldn't make out the lights or the shapes clearly . She heard a voice and to her it was the sweetest sound she could have heard. "Ross?" she whispered hoarsely.

"Sssh, you just got back from surgery and you are going to be fine. It was cancer honey, but they took care of it . There is a whole bunch of people downstairs who want to see you , so I am going to send them up and then I will be back later." He leaned down and gave her a sweet kiss . "I love you." He said as he walked out the door. Rachel closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

Since she was out of it because of the medication . no one stayed long and then just as he had done when she had the babies, he walked down to the gift shop and bought her a bouquet of lilies. Emma came with him and picked out a mylar balloon in the shape of a heart. The doctor allowed her to visit , since oncology had different rules then the rest of the hospital.

"Sweetie." I brought you some flowers. Ross said when he came back in the room. Rachel was now awake and aware of what had happened. She had felt down to the gauze bandage where her breast was. The nurse emptied her drainage bag and she literally got sick when she saw it. Now her husband was here , hoping that a little bouquet of flowers would make up for all of this. She turned to him with all her might, and said. "And that is supposed to make everything better?" she said tearfully. "I am a fucking freak. " she cried.

"Mommy, this is from Izzy and me." Emma said after she witnessed the display of emotion. "It is a heart because we love you and want you to get better." Rachel was so touched , she had Emma come over to the bed so she could hug her. "Mommy is so sorry about that," she kissed her head, so she wouldn't pull out any of the tubes. "And what is that?" Emma said as she pointed to the iv.

"Mommy is hurting very bad right now, so this makes her feel better." Ross explained the morphine drip. "See that, that is her boo boo." He said as he pointed at her bandage and the drainage bag. "But sweetie, mommy is very tired, so we aren't going to stay long."Emma kissed her mother on the forehead ."Night , night." She said .

"Rach, I am going to let Mon take the kids, I will come back later and I am going to have them set up a bed for me, okay?" Ross hoped she wasn't going to protest too much. Rachel actually didn't want to be alone right now. He leaned down and gently tapped her lips. "We are going to get through this, after all we got through that whole we were on a break mess." He had hoped that would make her laugh , but instead she drifted back to sleep. "I love you ." he whispered.

As she drifted off, she was in the middle of a room in one of her sexiest gowns. Dressed with diamonds dripping off her and face done to perfection. Her husband was wearing a tuxedo and then he took one look at her and started to make out with a girl half her age in a low cut gown.

The girl had silky black hair and brown eyes and she was obviously a model. Actually she was a model for Lauren, and he was so totally in lust with her. He was biting her neck , like he did before with her and then he was running his fingers through her hair.

Rachel started to run her own fingers through her own hair and then noticed something . It was a wig. Underneath was her bald head covered with a bandanna. She pulled down the straps on the gown to see that her right breast was gone.

Ross was enjoying this girls breast and it was obvious too. Rachel looked over and screamed . "Ross look at me." It was too late , he and the young model were walking away. She got down on the ground and said. "You said you would love me forever!" as he ignored her. She started crying over and over , "You said you would love me forever!" she bent down to the ground and continued to cry.

It was so real. Then she looked over at the special chair bed that they fixed for her husband. Her young , handsome husband who had a great body and a kind heart. She thought of him being around young college students every day. Little girls with perfect bodies, perfect little breasts like she had. He would stand and lecture about his boring dinosaur crap and then see these little bimbos with their braless boobs poking through their tiny tank tops. Then the bimbos would see him and picture him going off on all these adventures like that dumb Katie from the baby store. Hot and sweaty digging through the dirt, looking for fossils and bones. Dark and tanned, with no shirt on , because of the heat.

She couldn't lose him, she just couldn't . she thought as she watched him sleep . He looked so adorable with the drool dropping from his mouth and his mouth wide open. No they had been through too much, trips across the world to tell each other they loved each other, a baby, and then how he declared his love at the airport. She looked down at the gold band on his hand and sadly smiled. She had gotten her closure.

"Mrs. Geller., time to check your bandaid." The nurse announced waking up Ross. "I thought you came to a hospital to get some rest." He moaned. "Sorry, have to check through the night." She sang out. Ross stretched and then tried to sleep as the wound was checked and Rachel turned her head away. He thought she just wanted to ignore it and that bothered him. "It is perfectly natural, " the nurse whispered as she gave Rachel some more medicine and then she went back to sleep. "She will deal with it , when she is ready." Ross looked over at his sleeping wife. Would they ever be able to deal with it?


	4. The Social Worker

It had been four days since the surgery. Rachel was still hooked up to the morphine drip for pain, but she was now sitting up. Ross had not left her side for more than a few minutes. Chandler had brought him a bag so he could stay at the hospital. The girls were with Judy and Jack , and that was so that both sets of grandparents could spoil them and love them during this crucial time. He sat in the chair reading an article about dinosaur bones found in Montana. Rachel was watching her soaps.

The room was filled with flowers . Long stemmed roses from Ralph Lauren himself and also from Joey. There were balloon bouquets and stuffed animals , boxes of candy, and a special gift from the dean of Ross' school, an angel statue. She had said that angels had a special power , almost a healing power, and that she should embrace these special messengers. Emma's special balloon hung on the iv pole and on the bed stand was a picture of the gang and a picture of Rachel's little family , her Ross, Emma, and Isabella.

"Hello." Said a small little voice as she stood at the door. She looked down at the manilla file and the typed name. "Rachel?"she questioned to make sure she was in the right room. Rachel looked up and saw who was addressing her. "I am Sarah and I am the cancer social worker. I just wanted to see how you were doing and to give you some information ." She had a pleasant personality , and her head was wrapped in a pink scarf . It covered her bald head. "You must be Ross. I am friends with Carol and Susan and I have heard so many things about you." She said coming over and shaking his hands.

"And if they were from Susan , I know what they were." Ross said.

"Oh no, not at all, Susan has only positive things to say about you . That Ben has a really great Dad and how comfortable you have been with the whole relationship between them. That was the main reason that I asked for you , because I am good friends with both of them." Sarah explained. "And it is always great to talk to someone who has been through the same thing that you are going through. I have been in remission now for seven months." Sarah said proudly. She then handed Rachel a folder of brochures.

"These are the medicines that your doctor has assigned for the protocol. The names might be confusing and the brochures also have the side effects of each medication. I am sorry they are more for a medical mind then the common person." Sarah apologized.

Ross took them. "That is quite alright. You see I am a scientist and I will read these and translate them for Rachel." Ross said in his usual way.

"You are a doctor ? They never mentioned that." Said Sarah as she was obviously impressed.

"He is a doctor of dinosaurs. His patients died thousands of years ago." Giggled Rachel.

"Oh good Rach, you are getting your saracasm back." Ross said with a sarcastic laugh. "I am a professor of paleontology at NYU."

"Now what about chemo?" Rachel hated to hear what Sarah would say about that. "Is it as bad as they say it is?"

Sarah got very serious. "Well the one good thing about your protocol is that you don't have to be in the hospital. You can stay at home and do your cycles out patient. You will be tired and sometimes even sick, but you will always have the ones you love around you. Before you start your chemo, they will implant a port in you so they wont have to poke you all the time. Then they will remove it , when your cycles are over."

" And what about my hair?" she was a beautiful woman and this really made her nervous. Her hair was always one thing that she prided herself on. "Will I lose it?" Rachel also remembered the whole Bonnie incident when she told her to shave her head and how Ross screamed at her because he couldn't stand his bald girlfriend. If he broke up with her because of that, would that turn him off?

"That depends. It all depends on each person and each person is different. You may lose all your hair or you may lose none of it. If you would lose your hair, there are wigs and hats. The hair will grow back following the end of chemo. The bag of chemo lasts about five hours and while you are there, you can have your friends stay and keep you company. There are movies and popsicles, and you can really have a really great time." Sarah smiled.

"Can you bring your own movies while she is there?" Ross asked anxiously. "Of course," said Sarah.

"No Die Hard and no Jurassic Park." Rachel commanded. "You guys can all take turns to stay with me and for Chandler , no Baywatch but I will watch Miss Congeniality."

This next part concerned Ross. "Now these drugs , they won't interfere with our , you know?" he asked shyly. Sarah just smiled. "Nope, in fact you and Rachel will probably become even closer because of this. My lover and I just held each other and talked and it was so great, because she really understood . Rachel knew that a woman was sympathetic, but a man would be another story. Would Ross even want to touch her and make love to her like they did all the time? Or would she go back to wondering if he would ever be unfaithful again?

"There will be a lot of support for you , Rachel. In fact , we have meetings all the time right here at the hospital. Sometimes it helps to talk about it. Cancer doesn't just affect the patient , it effects the whole family. " Sarah further explained.

"I was in sorority , but a cancer club? I don't think." Rachel said reluctantly.

"It helps so much to talk to other people going through the same thing as you. That's why we have support groups. And we also have them for the spouses and husbands, and even one for the children. Here is a brochure , so think about it going to one." Rachel took the brochure and put it in her nightstand drawer. She really couldn't face a bunch of bald headed women who were glad to be alive right now. She wondered what the future held for her.

A little bit later, a familiar voice came outside the door and said . "How you doin?" Rachel tried to untie herself from her bed. Ross had gone to get her a soda. Carefully she got up and ran to her friend. Joey just hugged her and hugged her. The tears came flowing from his eyes. "Everything is gonna be alright , Joey's here now."he said softly.

As he held her in his arms. He was trying to avoid the feelings of a few years ago. He still couldn't believe when Ross told him that she had cancer, and was in denial. He also told his director that he needed to go back to New York for a while. Bobbi compensated him as well, getting him a part on the HBO series "The Sopranos." Joey would be Nikko , who was a friend of Christopher's who was going to be coming up thorugh the ranks. With their Italian heritage and respect for James Gandolfini, the Tribbiani family was so excited for Joey.

Ross came back to the room to see Rachel hugging Joey. He put down her soda and when Joey saw he had returned , he went over and then embraced his friend as well.

"I am so glad to see you man. " Ross sobbed. Joey then rubbed his back and embraced him again.

"I am gonna be in town for a while shooting the show, so all you have to do is call me." Joey smiled. He then pulled up a chair and told the couple everything that was going on with him. The nurse brought Rachel her afternoon snack which she refused, but of course Joey ate it , and another one as well. The three laughed at stories about crazy things they did like when Rachel tried to teach Joey how to sail and when Ross and Joey were in the hospital when he had kidney stones. Ross recalled when Ben had an audition for a soup commercial and Joey could not get out the word "soup." They even had a good laugh about the night Ross made fajitas and got drunk because he couldn't deal with Joey and Rachel as a couple.

"Your stupid duck ate my wedding ring." Ross scorned.

"Ah it was only Emily, " Rachel smiled. "And hello it was a stripper, of course Joey slept with her. And you my dear husband have done your share stupid things."

"Yeah the leather pants, or the teeth whitener, or my favorite when you were dark and light ." laughed Joey. "And it was so funny to watch you freak out when you found out about Monica and Chandler."

At that point the doctor came in, "Rachel, we are going to putting in the port early tomorrow morning. I think we are going to have call this party a night . You have a big day tomorrow. You are going to start chemo." The laughter just ceased and Rachel had a tearful look in her eye.

"I guess I should be going now." Joey said quickly, not knowing what to say. "See ya later." He ran from the room.

Ross just crawled over onto the bed and hugged his wife . He stroked her long hair and he caressed around the gauze bandaid. The doctor had done her dirty work and she had left. A tear caressed Rachel's cheek as she thought of that terrible word , chemo. Even though he was trying to act to be the strong one, Ross had tears in his own eyes as well.

Thanks for all the great reviews…. And keep enjoying the story and reviewing it as well.

Next Rachel starts chemo…..


	5. Rachel Begins the Journey

Rachel had been awoken up early today and thanks to Sarah, she urged Ross to take a day and go to work. Rachel would be totally out of it and since she was going to be starting chemo, he was going to bring Emma and Isabella late in the afternoon while she was still in her cycle.

She looked at the new port and then touched it. It was done with a local and it was very quick. This was not the way she had imagined things at all. She was a woman in her late thirties who seemingly had it all, a great job, two children, a nice house in Scarsdale and a man who loved her. Now she was a victim literally fighting for her life .

"How is she?" Dean Hale asked as she came in the classroom while Ross was writing down his lecture notes. "Starts chemo today. And with what they have for her , it is going to be rough. I was up last night at home reading up on her medicines." Ross now had a pink ribbon on his lapel. In the past , he had thought that whole red, black, yellow ribbon stuff was just propaganda. Now of course, breast cancer had a face and it 's name was Rachel. "I am taking the kids to see her tonight and then get some more stuff to stay with her." He said looking down.

Since the kids were going to be with Ross, Monica had her mother take the twins and then she would dedicate the evening to her and Chandler. They had not spent enough time together since the diagnosis and surgery. Monica had just basically given their life away to her brother and her best friend.

She spent the afternoon happily cleaning, Javu had given her all the time in the world to take some time off. Somehow all would be right with the world if her house could be Monica clean. Monica actually hummed while she dusted. She came to the mantle where pictures were displayed. Pictures of happier times. There was a picture that they had managed to salvage from the mess in London. The photographer took some pictures even though Emily had locked herself in the bathroom. She looked at the faces, all of them having fun and content. Rachel was actually leaning on Ross. Monica would always have a fondness for that trip because that is where her and Chandler hooked up for the first time. Then a tear came to her eye as she had the wedding photos of the three girls lined up. Rachel made such a beautiful bride and there was only joy in her eyes as she finally got married. Monica stopped her dusting and then sat on the couch . She put her hands to her eyes and silently sobbed. This was her best friend, and now her sister in law.

Phoebe read the book as Mike started to play the piano. The book was a new age health book and she was engrossed in it because it talked

of healing and disease. Phoebe never believed in western medicine.

She looked through it with hope she could find something to help her dear friend.

At two o' clock after her lunch, the nurse rolled in the stand with her first dose of chemo. Over the bag was a brown cover and it had her name typed on a piece of tape It was a new nurse named Shamana who was starting her iv. She pulled down her gown and then hooked her to the medicine . Shamana looked over at the nightstand and picked up the pictures.

"Pretty family." She grinned with her white teeth. "This must be your husband. Very good looking man." She said gazing at the picture. Then she saw the picture of the gang. "Who are these people?" she asked curiously. "That is my family, actually they are the greatest group of people in the world. They were there for me when I decided to become independent. That is my best friend, Monica, her husband and my funny friend Chandler, there's my husband , and that is our kooky hippie friend Phoebe, and that is my friend who is a star , Joey."

Rachel thought how each of these people had meant something to her and it made her feel good to tell a total stranger about her wonderful friends.

Rachel laid back as the medicine started to flow . She looked up as the Jamaican lady adjusted the hose. The liquid dripped down into her veins . She closed her eyes and then put her head on the pillow. The incessant beeping of the automatic iv stand was beginning to get on her nerves. She tried to take a nap since she was going to have company later.

BY the time the bag was half way empty, Rachel heard voices and woke up with a kiss. "Hey you." He said in his familiar way that he had said about a million times by now. Ross handed her a rose and then said ."I think I have two little girls who want to see you." Emma rolled in the stroller with Isabella. "Mommy." Emma squealed.. Rachel reached down to hug her daughter and then Ross took Isabella out so she could get kissed by her mother. Isabella started to cry because of the unfamiliar things surrounding her mother.

"Mommy what 's that?" Emma said as Ross took Izzy from Rachel so she would stop crying. Rachel knew what she meant.

"That is so Mommy will get better. So she can play with Emma and go shopping again." Rachel explained. Ross held his daughter as he rubbed her back so she would stop crying. Isabella finally calmed down and she laid her head on her father 's shoulder. He took her and laid her in her carriage.

"How is it?" he said curiously."Well it isn't so bad right now." Rachel commented.

"Well within a few hours , you should be experiencing fatigue and nausea." Ross had remembered the brochure containing her medicines

"Do you always have to be a know it all and a show off, Professor?" now he was irritating her and she knew it was because of the drugs. "You are not a medical doctor." She took great pleasure in reminding him of that fact. What had caused this turn of events from the delightful Mary Sunshine to bitch Rachel? Rachel could see the hurt in his face with every dig and how she was pushing him away. She also felt a burning sensation in her arm as the drug entered her blood system.

"Listen do you want me to stay or go? " Ross asked defiantly. "I am getting the feeling that you don't want me around. I was taking the kids to your parents because my parents are watching the twins tonight. Now, I can either come back or just stay away, it's all up to you." Rachel turned her head and then sighed. "I guess I am just not comfortable with all this yet. I would rather just have some time to myself ." Ross got up and rolled his eyes. "Fine by me." He said as he prepared the kids to go. "Girls , mommy is getting sleepy so we are going to leave her now. " he said covering up his pain. The two girls told their mommy they loved her and then Ross whispered to her.

"Please don't shut me out , Rach." Rachel looked at him and then turned away. "Good night Ross." She said as she heard him walk away and the sound of the wheels of the stroller. "We love you Mommy." Emma chimed out and then her tears were even more fierce.

As the elevator descended , Ross was still wondering what he had done to make her so hostile. He was told this disease would bring them closer together, now it was pulling them apart. He hadn't felt like this since when she worked at Bloomingdales , she kept ignoring him and that resulted in the whole let's take a break mess. He couldn't let her interfere with his own duties, after all right now he was a single father with two little girls.

"Okay , who wants McDonalds?" Emma cheered and Izzy squealed . At least he was doing a good job satisfying the other women in his life. Their enthusiasm brought a smile to Ross ' face. He would forget the other for now.

Chandler peeked in the doorway and his nose carried him right to his barcalounger where a YooHoo and a crazy straw waited. Monica perched on the side of the white couch with one leg seductively draped over the chair. She had a glass in her hand as she sipped her scotch with a twist. She dangled the petite shapely leg and she was wearing a black silk nightie that exposed her perky breasts. Since the whole Rachel thing started, there had been no time for just them and she forgot how good just them had been.

"Hello Chandler." She called out seductively. He smiled and unloosened the knot of his tie. She got up and wrapped her arms around his thick neck and began to kiss him passionately. Chandler knew this was going to be great night. Her hands reached for his finely shaped butt , which she dearly loved. She could also feel something else through his trousers. He was obviously pleased with her.

"Tonight there is no kids, there is no brother , and there is only us." She said as she waltzed slowly over to the cd player. She put in a disc and it began to play. She swayed to the music hypnotizing him with her moves. He sat down in his chair and sipped his Yoo Hoo like a contented man pretending to be at a strip club. She threw her legs over him and gave him his own private lap dance. Smiling she shook her chest in his face and he began to nuzzle it.

She broke away and then started to cry. He couldn't understand what he did , after all he was just showing affection to the woman he loved and touching her. "Monica , Mon , honey? What did I do?' he sincerely wanted to know.

"Rachel just had a breast removed . How do you think I feel when you are touching me and stuff and then you touch my breast. You men are all alike." Monica cried as she ran for the bedroom and slammed the door behind her. Chandler threw up his hands and went to the porch for a smoke.

Ross had dropped the kids off and now was alone. He knew that Monica was making a special night for Chandler and he didn't want to ruin that. Instead he drove his car to the shore and got out. He looked into the vastness of the waves. Out there was the unknown and right now his life was as vast as those blue waves. He reached down and picked up a stone and tossed it into the ocean. He could finally be alone with his own thoughts and he didn't have to put on any brave front. He didn't have to be daddy or Professor , he could be himself. A man scared of the unknown , the future.

She was all he had ever wanted. He knew that for a long time , and even when he was with Carol or Emily or any of a long list of women, he knew in his heart , she was the one he wanted. He started to think of the events that were happening and the events that could happen. A divorcee, but a widower? He took off his tie and let the cold ocean wind blow through his thick black hair. He closed his eyes and could feel the mist blowing off the Long Island Sound. It was so quiet and peaceful here, yet that water would lead into one of the busiest and noisiest harbors in the world.

He had come here before. When his marriage ended , and Carol told him the news. He thought that there would be nothing that would destroy him more than that. He was facing the biggest test of his own life? Would they survive?

"That wasn't so bad was it?" the nurse said as she took the empty chemo bag and turned off the machine to dispense it. Rachel laid with the salty tears stinging her eyes. No it wasn't she thought. I only pushed away the only man I ever loved.


	6. Rachel Goes Home

The warm sun came through the hospital's blinds. The sun woke up Rachel as well. She had drifted back to sleep after the nurse checked on her bandage. Today it would be coming off. What was under it , terrified her more than anything in her life. Dr. Cannon said that in time she would be able to have surgery to reconstruct the missing breast. She threw her legs over the bed and started for the bathroom, yes it was going to be a big day.

"Guys I am going to be leaving for the hospital. " Ross announced as there was a whole production going on in his living room, Balloons were being hung and his daughters were at the table as well as his niece and nephew scribbling with a crayon to make welcome signs.

"Daddy, is this pretty?" Emma asked as she handed the picture to Ross and he smiled. "Yes , Mommy will like it. Now can you guys stay out of Aunt Monica's way and just color ? I am going to go get mommy okay? Izzy jumped down from the chair and Emma jumped up and down. Ross gave them each a kiss and then he headed out the door. He started down the familiar expressway into the city that he had now been traveling for a week.

Rachel walked over to the mirror in the bathroom and turned on the florescent light. She stared down at the bandage on her right side. She took her hand and tried to cover it, imagining what it was going to look like when it was gone . At least the doctor was waiting for Ross, before they removed it. Her bag was on the chair as well as a little folder filled with pamphlets and information on her future treatments. Her next round of chemo would be in a few days, and Monica would come and sit with her. After she looked at her chest, she stared at the dark circles under her eyes.

"Honey?" Ross said as the orderly rolled in the wheelchair. She stumbled out of the bathroom and made her way back to her bed. "We can call the doctor now, I 'm here." He announced with a kiss. Rachel sat on the edge of the bed as she pushed the button for the doctor to come in .

"Well now Rachel, are we ready to see?" that had to be a rhetorical question. Of course , she wasn't . The doctor came over with the nurse and a tray . The nurse stood by the waste basket as the doctor started to unwind the gauze. Rachel held Ross' hand as each piece floated to the floor . Ross turned away for fear of what he would see as well. The nurse took a basin and then wiped the wound. Rachel looked down and saw the empty spot. She ran her finger over the bump. She then collapsed on the floor and Ross lifted her back up. In almost like a daze , she went to her suitcase and pulled out a t shirt and a pair of jeans and then got dressed after another dressing was put on the wound. The doctor signed the papers and then handed her discharge instructions to Rachel.

"Ready to get out of here?" Ross asked and Rachel nodded. The orderly pushed her as Ross carried the suitcase. They walked to the elevator in silence. As the elevator dropped, neither one knew what to say to the other. Ross kept looking up , while Rachel looked at the floor. With her hands folded in her lap, Rachel closed her eyes and embraced the sunshine. She was free for now.

"The Porsche?" she said with a surprise. "Yeah Mon let me have it so you could come home in it because she knows how much you like it." Ross said as he pulled it up to the section that was marked Discharges only All others Will be Towed. Ross got out of the car and then helped Rachel from the wheelchair. Seeing that she was secure , he got in and then headed for the Expressway.

"Okay everybody, they are coming." Monica said with excitement. She had always been the organizer of all group functions and the wedding planner of all three weddings. Joey , even though he was now a super star, was still Joey and had his hand in the lasagna.

"Not yet." Monica smacked his hand. Joey went over and stood by Chandler. The kids were all lined up with their pictures for Rachel and even Carol and Ben came over for this homecoming. The door opened as Rachel, peeked in .

"Surprise!" everyone cheered as Rachel smiled.

"We wanted to tell you how much we love you and how we are be with you through this whole thing." Monica said as she embraced her sister in law.

"You have always been like a sister to me." Hugged Chandler.

"Yeah a hot sister." Agreed Joey as he stuffed his mouth with food.

Carol came over. "I was so upset when I heard, but I was glad that you met our dear friend , Sarah." The two women embraced as Carol rubbed her back and let her emotions show. All Ben could mumble is "Get well soon "and give his stepmother a hug. The three kids ran over and swarmed all over Rachel. She looked down at the drawings and gave her daughter and the other kids a kiss. As she walked around , she felt like she was underwater and couldn't breathe. She wasn't even there , she was going through the motions and taking the hugs , but she felt invisible. Suddenly she knew a way to escape the gathering.

Her feet fell out from under her , and Ross immediately swept her up into his arms. In another time, it reminded her how terribly romantic he was. She was now even lighter and she was not a strain on his back "Bed." He smiled . Rachel nodded and apologized. "I am sorry. I really appreciate everyone , but I am kind of tired." Ross turned toward the stairs . "Be right back , everyone. " He climbed the stairs and looked down at Rachel. She laid her head on his shoulder as he carried her upstairs.

The bed had a down comforter on it and the pillow had been fluffed. Ross laid her on the soft bed and she eyed the new robe on the foot of the bed. "I know I usually am not a good shopper, but Mon helped me with it." She picked it up and ran it across her skin. "It feels so nice. Thank you." She turned to him and gave him a peck. He was finally feeling like he could be the man for her again. She smiled at him and then started to undress. He stood there and then she turned to him. "Would you mind?" she asked.

He thought he couldn't take it anymore. "Yes, I do , Rachel. I am not your ex boyfriend or your ex lover, I am your husband. It is my legal right to be here. I know this has been hard, but I feel like you have just been pushing me away.and I can't be quiet anymore. "

Rachel turned to him. "I am just saving you the trouble of pushing me away later. I know how you are , you like a girl for the way she looks. You are around little coeds all day, girls who are younger than me and have two perky little breasts. They sit and they have these fantasies about their professor going on these digs and sweating."

"What in the hell are you talking about?" Ross yelled since he didn't understand any of it. "Is this because of the drugs?"

"Ross I remember Bonnie, and I remember how you didn't like her because she had no hair . You were appalled at the site of her and said that the moonlight bounced off her skull and you could feel the bones of it. Ross, I want you to look at me. In just a few short weeks, I might look like that. I am no longer that perfect Rachel that you fell in love with when you were teenager. I am damaged goods. I have a left breast and a hollowed out lump. " She screamed .

Melting into tears, he walked over and held his nearly naked wife and let her cry into his arms. He ran his hands over her back and just cradled her. Wrapping her in her new robe, he laid her on the clean Egyptian sheets and tucked her in like she was a little girl. His little girl. Rachel went back in her mind to when her daddy would come home from work and tuck her in. Ross looked at her and then he crawled in the bed with her . "Come here." He said as he cuddled her in his arms. Finally the two of them closed their eyes, oblivious to everyone down stairs . Maybe this would bring them together after all.


	7. Try to Understand

After she had fallen asleep, Ross carefully got up and walked to the door. He was glad that everyone was still downstairs. Monica was in the kitchen, putting Saran Wrap on the leftovers. He quietly came in.

"Well how is she doing?" Monica asked as she opened the freezer.

"She is exhausted , so I am going to let her sleep. Mon, she is petrified that I am going to leave her because she doesn't have a breast anymore." Ross exclaimed.

"And would you ?" she asked blatantly.

"What kind of a jerk do you think I am?" he said angrily.

She came over and put her arm around his shoulder. "You may be sweet and loving and kind, but you are still a man. Rachel just knows that you are always around young women and for the first time she feels threatened by it." Ross gave her a look. "It would be like if you had testicular cancer, a part of you is gone and you would be threatened by it. A breast is a part of a woman's appearance and Rachel has depended on that her whole life."

"There is more to Rachel then her breasts, there is her good and forgiving heart , her intelligence, her…." Ross continued until Monica interrupted him. "Tell her that you respect her and admire her, but don't patronize her. She will see right through that. " Ross decided that he would give her all the time in the world she needed.

Rachel was so glad that Monica had come with her to her chemo session today . She was also glad that Judy was watching all of the kids so the two women could have a talk. Monica always loved hospitals because they were so clean, so the sterile environment of oncology thrilled her to no end.

"There's my girl." Smiled Salvana as she gave Rachel a hug and led her to the chairs. Rachel laid down and the nurse prepared her cycle for her. Monica chatted busily so she could get her mind off of the events. Salvana then brought the two ladies popsicles to suck on. Rachel's was mainly so she wouldn't throw up. With the drip now started, Monica would be able to enjoy her visit.

"I have a few things that are on my mind right now. " Rachel started as she licked her lips and took another suck at the orange popsicle. "I know they should be the last things , but with everything that has happened, I want to know that you are going to help Ross raise my girls." Monica wanted to close her eyes. "I don't want to hear this kind of talk, you are going to get better and raise your own kids."

Rachel continued. "I am not worried about him. I know he will be upset and say he will never love anyone else ever again . But I also know he will find someone else, after all it is Ross." She laughed at her own joke. Monica giggled as well. "But I want her to be like Julie, nothing like Emily at all. Or even like Mona, I always felt bad for her. They would have been sweet together ." Rachel reminisced.

"You have got to stop this. I don't want to hear you say anything else about taking care of your children or helping to find your husband a replacement for you. You are going to be fine." Monica said angrily.

"That is the problem , I have thought about it. I want to think that this medicine is going to kill it , but I also know about the odds and I just want to be prepared in case I don't win this fight." Rachel said resigned. "You are a lot stronger, you are the one who has held this little group together all these years. That is why I wanted you here. I wanted someone who wasn't going to try to make me laugh with sarcastic jokes , or play their songs, or bore me with a combination of I love you honey and guess what we did at work today, or be bored until they either found food or chased a nurse. I know you will be the one I can depend on , if I don't make it. " Rachel said softly. "And I also know that you will be the one he will lean on the most."

A tear came to Monica's eye as she realized what Rachel was doing . She didn't want to think about it. But it could happen. Rachel started twitching and coughing . The nurse brought over a pail and Rachel leaned over into it and started to throw up. Monica rubbed her back to make her feel better.

"Just part of the routine. I will get her some water." The nurse said as she walked away. She came back and then Rachel sipped the water and chewed on the ice. She wished they could go back in time and she could gossip or tell her how impossible her brother was. Monica didn't know what to say after Rachel vomited or after she had spilled her guts. Just then her cell rang.

"Hello?" Monica answered.

"Mon, it's me . How is she doing ? " Ross asked from school.

"Would you like to talk to her ?" she asked and Monica handed her cell over to Rachel. "Hi honey, " she tried to be cheerful.

"Hi sweetheart. How is everything? Are you alright?" Ross was curiously asking.

"Got a little nauseous, no big deal. Chinese tonight?" Rachel asked .

"Sounds good to me. I'll pick it up , love you." Ross said as he kissed his cell.

"Love you too." Rachel cooed at the phone and gave it back to Monica.

Joey had spent the afternoon at his parents house. His father had excused himself for a business meeting. Gloria just shook her head as she heard the lie come from her husband 's mouth. He was visiting the pet stuffer and she knew it. Oh well, Joey had to work tomorrow and he was looking forward to it. Working with those great actors like Michael Imperioli, Edie Falco, Lorraine Bracco , and of course the great James Gandolfini. He was also going to make his way around the extras on the set, especially girls cast as dancers at the Bada Bing. That brought a smile to his face until his mother interrupted his reverie.

"Here I want you to give this to your friend Rachel?" Gloria said as she handed the rosary to her son. He pushed it back.

"Ma, they are Jewish not Catholic. " She pushed it back . "Yeah , but I have had a lot of prayers answered with this one. I have been lighting candles for Rachel and her babies and her husband." Gloria announced proudly.

Joey thought back on his own beliefs and how they were being questioned. He was brought up a good Catholic boy and was an altar boy when he was growing up. For a while it was looking like he was headed toward the priesthood , until he found out about the vow of celibacy, that was the end of that. Right now he didn't know what to believe .

"Maybe it is all a waste." Joey muttered. Gloria heard a noise and turned her head. "What did you say?" She said as she went back to the stove. She had her suspicions , but she had to hear her son say it himself.

"I said maybe this prayer, and rosaries and candles, maybe it is all for nothing . I mean we pray for things to happen, and that only good comes to those we love , and then things like this happen." Joey said.

"If it is God's will." Gloria started ."Bull shit." Joey yelled. "Is it God's will , that the sweetest woman in the world has cancer. Is it God's will that he take her away from the man who has spent most of his life being in love with her? Is it God 's will Ma, that he let those two little girls have their mother taken away from them? If it is, maybe I don't want what God wants anymore." Joey said soberly. He felt the ring in the back of his head and knew he had crossed a line.

"Joseph Francis Tribbiani," Gloria said coldly. "How dare you?" Joey took his food and walked to the door. "I am sorry mah, I am sorry." He lowered his head for the pain he had caused his mother and then he started to sob as he thought of how he didn't know what to believe anymore. He started the walk down to the church he grew up in. When Gina became pregnant with Michael, they had to go to another church in Queens. The whole family was shamed.

The dark church was a sanctuary to him. He strolled past the many statues and rows of lit candles. He could hear the echoes of a thousand prayers in these walls. He would have never got where he was today without some of those prayers. The rows of pews were now silent and lonely. He genuflected as he was taught to do and did something that none of his friends ever saw, as a devout Catholic he made the sign of the Cross and then he dropped to his knees. Folding his hands like a little boy, he began to pray in an innocent child like way.

"God, I don't understand why you do things? I mean I always thought you were a good and decent God , as God's go. I can't understand why you are taking such a sweet and loving person, so beautiful and so hot , and making her suffer like this. Are you punishing me for what I did with her? I can't help that I fell in love with her and God she ended up where you wanted her. They ended up together and a family. And God why would you want to take her away from a man that loves so much , even better than I could have loved her. And also

how can you even think of taking her away from her two little girls and leave them without a mother. Please God, let me understand and if you could God, please take all this cancer from her and make her well again . "

Joey looked up from his prayer and up to the statue of the Blessed Mother. She was a mother and a woman , she would understand . He got up from the pews and made his way back to the street.

The references to the show The Sopranos …is in respect to the awesome acting of the actors mentioned. Next chapter should be a little lighter … hey it's Chandler……he has to be himself.


	8. Complications

The bag of medicine hung on the machine as the beeping continued. The lethal poison coarsed through the hose into her veins.She was finally getting used to this part of her life . The burning sensations she was feeling made her uncomfortably scratch as she reclined in the brown vinyl chair. Rachel looked over at her watch as she spent another afternoon in chemo.

"That Jack is so funny. I love him and Karen." Chuckled Chandler as he sat next to his sister in law. "More cheesecake ?" he asked as he took another mouthful.

"Yes please." Smiled Rachel. "Chandler, I am so glad that you came with me today."

"Well it was either this or an exciting afternoon of hearing Monica tell me what needs fixed." He said in his droll way. "Plus we haven't spent time together in a while. " Rachel looked over at her friend and closed her eyes as she let the cheesecake slide down her throat.

"I am amazed that you and I don't spend more time together. This is really great." Rachel spirits were being lifted . She had spent the most enjoyable time in her session today. And he had also cracked up several of the other patients as well.

"I know we both have so much in common. We are both married to people in the same crazy family." He laughed. "I got the neat freak and you got the dinosaur geek." Rachel had to laugh at that one, but she wouldn't give up that geek for anything and had made up her mind she was going to fight for him . She was beginning to feel a little dizzy now and her eyelids were twitching. Something was going desperately wrong.

"Nurse , oh nurse." Chandler got up and walked to the desk. "My friend is having an adverse reaction to her medicine. She is twitching and …" before he could finish the sentence the nurse ran to Rachel and then interrupted her session. She pulled out the iv and then laid her on a bed. Rachel was having a full blown seizure.

"I want you to get her to a room, now ." the nurse commanded the orderly as he rolled the gurney to another floor. Chandler had no idea what was going on , but he knew who he had to call. Suddenly there was a whole crowd of people in white coats pushing machinery into Rachel's room. He couldn't hear anything but a person screaming and then he heard something else. He heard the room completely silent and then he heard something he had only heard on television. "Clear." Poking his head in, he saw his friend connected to a series of wires and tubes. Now there was about five ivs hooked up to her , and the incessant beep of the heart monitor .Another device was hooked to her finger . The doctor saw him there and motioned him to the lounge.

"She had a seizure . It was a reaction to the medicine .Her heart also stopped and we had to start it again. Right now is a very critical time for her. This protocol is very new and some of the effects haven't been tested yet." Chandler almost started to get mad . Not tested. "We'll just have to wait and see." He looked down at the helpless woman who was now unconscious and he didn't know for how long.

"I know it is against policy, but can I use a phone. I would like to call her husband and tell him what happened so you can explain things to him." Chandler said. "Sorry , she has too much equiptment. You can go to the nurse's station and use the phone there." The doctor said. Chandler looked at Rachel and then he took a breath. Picking up the phone , he rubbed his temples.

"Hello, may I speak to Dr.Geller, it is about his wife." He said somberly. Waiting a few seconds, he stood shuffling his feet. "Ross, yeah I am at the hospital. She is not doing well at all."

"She just lays there." He said sadly. He took his hand and tried to shake her. "Rach, Rach?" he said softly. "Don't leave me hon. Please you can't leave me." Monica stood next to him and she put his head on her shoulder as she embraced him. The two of them were both sobbing and Ross returned to his seat next to the bed. Monica had left the kids with Chandler when she got there and Sandra had come earlier to take care of Emma and Isabella. Ross had been there for hours and he wouldn't drink any coffee or anything. He just sat by the bed waiting for Rachel to wake up from this. He would hold her hand and then he would kiss it.

When Chandler had called., he grabbed the first cab he could and then headed for Sloan Kettering. Chandler had been out front, waiting for his arrival. "The chemo caused her to have a seizure and then her heart stopped and they revived her. Now she is unconscious and they don't know what is going on." The two men started for the doors and then straight for the elevator.

He couldn't believe it , there she was surrounded by a sea of wire and monitors. Wasn't she supposed to be getting better? Monica met him at the door and then he just collapsed in her arms. Phoebe then put her hand on his shoulder and gave him a hug as well.

That was hours ago, and still nothing. She had a look of contentment on her face. It was like a dead sleep. A look of peace. Her chest was still moving up and down .

Medicine was part of science. And science was a part of his life . Yet this was the one time that his precious science failed him. Phoebe and used to fight about evolution and gravity. What did he really have to base his beliefs on? As a little boy , he went to temple and celebrated the high holy days. When he turned thirteen , he had a bar mitzvah, but religion was never really a big part of his life. He had learned to make science that religion. Science explained so many things that conventional religion had no explanation for except for the Torah or the Bible, both seen as pieces of literature. Science was now his religion.

She started to stir . The cord on her stomach started to twitch as he felt in under his hand . There was definitely movement and it had startled him as he laid his head on her stomach. Next he felt a hand brushing the five o clock shadow on his face. Hours had turned into days . Hearing a sigh, his head popped up and he tore himself away from her to run to the nurse's station.

"It's my wife ! She waking up." He screamed as the gang all jumped up and surrounded him. The doctor went into the room and shined a light into Rachel's eyes. She was looking around as she noticed all of the tubes and monitors. She had no memory of this , she could just remember how she was laughing with Chandler and then she blacked out. She also spotted Ross' bag and knew that he had been there , even though she had no idea how long.

"Chandler ! Ross?" she called . Immediately Ross ran into the room and smiled. "You are going to be just fine. I was so scared that I had lost you." He started to run his fingers through her hair . This time it felt a little different than before. He pulled his fingers out and then noticed the long brown blondish strands tangled in his fingers . He reached his finger in again and another handful came out. He licked his lips and then he held the hair up. Rachel put her hand to her mouth and then she started to hold the misplaced hair in her hands.

"No ." she whispered. "No." it was happening . Her hair was starting to fall out.


	9. Rapunzel

Ross couldn't believe the handfuls of hair that he held were Rachel. He bowed his own head as the tears ran out of his own eyes. It was a death for him as well. She was always the perfect woman. She was beauty incarnate. Now he was watching her fall apart literally before his eyes and in his hands. He was speechless.

"I uh I uh think it is starting honey." He stuttered nervously in his usual way. Rachel looked him in the eyes and then she threw her head on the pillow. All he did was stroke the remaining hair that covered her back .

"Leave me alone." She sobbed.

"I am not going to do that anymore , Rachel. I am not leaving you and I wish you would just lean on me and not worry because I am not going anywhere." Ross said defiantly. "When you got off the plane, you said this is where I want to be and this was it. I promised you we would stop being stupid and we would be there for each other no matter what." Rachel raised her head from the pillow and then wrapped her arms around her husband. The two of them embraced as the rest of the gang entered the room.

"Good you are feeling better." Chandler smiled. "We still didn't finish that cheesecake buddy.' He came to the bedside and gave her a hug and then everyone else followed suit.

Rachel explained about her hair and Phoebe and Monica assured her that they would do everything they could to help her keep her appearance up.

"Rachel , you are such a beautiful person on the inside as well. You are loving, kind, a wonderful mother and the best wife that my brother could have ." Monica said to her best friend.

"And that is saying a lot because he has had three wives." Chandler said in a way to break the tension.

"Rachel, even if you had no hair, you would still be hot." Joey smiled.

"Uhm , Joey , that is my wife you are speaking about." Ross said.

Rachel hugged Joey . "I know what you are trying to say , sweetie , and thanks." Rachel knew deep down that her appearance didn't matter to any of her friends on family, well maybe her sisters it would .

Sandra entered the room. "I heard sweetie, I am so glad you are better now." Sandra was let in , when the others moved away from Rachel's bed. "And I talked to someone , we are going to get you some wigs. The best that money can buy."

"Mom, I am losing my hair. It feels weird to know that I am going to have nothing on my head. I am getting scared now." Sandra bent over the bed and held her daughter. "I feel like now I have cancer. I used to watch those little kids on the St Jude specials with their little bald heads and those tubes connected to them. They looked so sad and pitiful and now that is going to be me." Rachel came to a realization.

"Oh I know, I 'll shave my head." Phoebe popped up. "I have no problem with it at all and me and Rachel will look the same."

"Pheebs, I will have a wig , I won't be completely bald. Ross started to stare at her as she started to talk about her baldness. He started to have visions of when he was dating Bonnie and Rachel shaved her head. He couldn't' stand the look of her or to feel the shaved head that she had. "I might actually even try a couple of those designer scarves like Hermes or Channel , you know wrap them around my head." Rachel tried to get excited for these different fashionable looks.

"And I will go shopping with you, dear to get a few. Oh it will be so cute , you will look fabulous." Sandra was also excited because she could help her daughter get through this the only way she knew how.

A few more treatments had passed and Rachel sat in front of the vanity. She picked up the hairbrush and more hair came out of the brush into her hands. She was tired of waiting for this to come to an end and had made a decision.

"Ross, could you come in here." She yelled from the bedroom. Emma was at Monica and Chandler's with her sister for the night. Ross peeked his head in and braced himself for the mood swings that came with the cancer and the chemo.

"What did you want , sweetheart?" he asked politely.

"I am tired of this waiting for it to come out, I want you to get your electric razor and shave it off." Rachel said matter of factly. Ross gave her a startled look. "You want me to shave your head.?" Rachel sighed and then got up. "Yes, it is going to fall out anyway. I might as well just be prepared now." Ross slowly walked over and he tangled his fingers in her remaining hair and then he kissed the top of her head. He just let his fingers be there as his ring was tangled in her locks for just a few more minutes. He wanted to feel it one last time. He had moved his hands through it, he had smelt it, and now he was the one who was going to get rid of it.

Walking to the bathroom, he bravely pulled out his electric razor and then he took a breath and returned to Rachel sitting at her vanity mirror. His eyes met hers as she pulled the wastebasket close to her. Ross plugged in the razor and then he took a large piece of her hair and then began to move down the side of her scalp. Gobs of blondish brown hair fell on the floor and both sets of eyes were filled with tears. He admired her right now, he really did.

With the tears stopped , Rachel looked in the mirror at her bald head. Then with his hand shaking, Ross touched the top of it and he bent over to kiss it once again. She got up slowly and then she opened a drawer filled with accessories. Expertly , she wrapped the colorful scarf around her head. She gave herself a glance , she was still beautiful. The next thing she knew , Monica and Chandler had brought Emma and Isabelle home. Everyone was unprepared for her new appearance, so Ross prepped them for her entrance.

"She had me shave her head and she is very self conscience, so please no bald jokes. "he directed that comment at Chandler. Rachel walked out into the living room with her new look. Monica couldn't believe her eyes.

"Okay I'm waiting. " Rachel stood patiently waiting for the barrage of comments . "Sweetie, you look great.' Monica lied. Emma cautiously walked up to her mother and said. "Mommy , where is your hair?" She felt her bald scalp as Rachel removed the scarf.

"The medicine that Mommy has to take made Mommy's hair fall out and now she has no hair." Rachel said. "But Mommy 's hair will grow back after she feels better." Emma timidly touched her scalp and then said "Oooh it feels smooth." Isabella was totally frightened and ran to her daddy when she saw her mother's appearance.

Rachel started to cry again. "I scared my own child. I am a hideous monster." Ross handed Isabella to Monica and then he said. " You are not hideous."

"Yes I am. I have no hair and I look like a freak. I am never leaving this house ." she ordered as she slammed the door .

Monica , Ross , and Chandler looked at each other. They had to do something . Chandler knew what had to be done.

"Yeah she is pretty bad , and I know that you made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone. She is one of my dearest friends in the world and my best friend's wife . I know if she talked to you and you told her she would make it , you would help so much."

Who is it that Chandler was talking to? Next chapter.


	10. Nora Visits

Rachel sat down on the couch with the remote. She sobbed as she flipped through the channels from soap opera to soap. This used to make her so happy. Even in the hospital, she would watch while she was getting her chemo treatments.

"Rach, honey, someone is here is to see you." Ross said as he slowly opened the front door. He had hoped this person would snap her out of her depression. Rachel switched off the tv and then jumped up. "I told you I don't want to see anyone and I don't want to talk to anyone."

"But this person heard you were sick and they wanted to come and visit you." Ross had a certain way of persuading Rachel. "Come on, they came a long way. Just to see you." Rachel tied her Hermes scarf around her head and fixed her sweatshirt around her band aid. Ross slowly opened the door and then Chandler walked through. "What a rotten trick , Geller." She exclaimed when she saw Chandler. "It's only Chandler. I see him all the time." She said disappointed.

Usually Chandler would take offense to the comment, but he and Ross had hoped Rachel's visitor would make her feel better. Chandler entered the door and then Rachel saw who was behind him.

"Hi Rachel." Nora Tyler Bing said as she entered with flowers. "I heard what had happened so I thought I would come and visit my son and while I was here, I would come and visit you." She sat down the flowers and hugged her. Then she went over and hugged Ross as well. "It is always so nice to see you , Ross." She said sexily. Chandler separated them quickly.

"Alright mother, I think that is quite enough." Chandler said.

Rachel always loved when Chandler's mother came to visit. She led such an exciting life, writing her erotic novels and traveling all over the world to promote her books. She remembered when she heard that Nora was Chandler's mother , she got all excited. Whenever she traveled , she always took her books on the plane. This was so nice that she took time out of her schedule to see the poor sick cancer patient.

"So how are you doing?" Nora sat down on the couch and patted Rachel's hand. "I know this couldn't have been easy for you and Chandler told me you just started chemo." Rachel just put her head down and looked down at the floor. "I am not doing well at all and I am sorry that I am not better company." Nora took her face in her hand and looked right at Rachel. "That's okay sweetie. I know all about it. I had the same thing about fifteen years ago." Nora admitted.

Chandler and Ross were sitting at Central Perk drinking a coffee. They both decided it would be a good idea if Rachel talked to Nora alone.Gunther wandered over when he saw them sitting on the couch. "Well how is Rachel doing?" he asked shyly. Ross turned to him and said. "She is fine right now, she'll be fine." He was almost saying it to convince himself of it. Gunther sat down next to him. "You know Ross, for the longest time I never liked you. " Gunther said. Ross knew that Gunther had always had a crush on Rachel and after she got off the plane , he did seem to resent him a little. "But I will say this, you have been such a good husband and boyfriend to her, and I really admire you getting through this. You are so strong and she is lucky to have someone to lean on that loves her as much as you do." The revelation brought a smile to Ross' face. He was doing something right after all.

"You had breast cancer?" Rachel's hand went to her mouth. "But you have always been so glamorous and sexy , I mean you are gorgeous."Rachel couldn't believe that Chandler's mother who had always been seen with sexy, interesting men had a massectomy. "Yes, I did. And I got through it. And so will you and you will be as gorgeous and sexy as you were ." Nora patted her hand. Rachel admitted her fears to Nora about how her husband was always around these girls with perfect bodies and how she felt now.

"I don't think you have a thing to worry about ." Nora confided in her. "I can remember the first time I met you and just how crazy that guy was about you. He was so upset seeing you and that Italian guy, that he got drunk." Rachel looked at her and then the memory came back when she heard Chandler talk about it. This gorgeous woman had actually made out with Ross. "You just need to go through with your treatments and go through with a positive attitude. I got lucky, at that time a lot of women weren't so lucky. Plus you caught it early which gives you a better chance." Rachel looked at Nora and especially at her breasts. Nora noticed her staring and opened her dress. She pulled down her bra and showed her where the breast once was. Now it had been replaced by reconstructive surgery. She took her hand and put it on the breast. "See, just like the real one, only better." She smiled."Trust me, so will the sex."

Chandler opened the door at that point. "And once again , I want to crawl into a hole." He moaned. Rachel got up and ran over to Ross. "Nora and I were having the best talk. She had the same thing happen to her, and she was telling me that I was going to be alright. Plus she said I would get back my looks and that our sex life would get back on track." Rachel said excited.

"Okay Mom, you are finished here. And now , we can leave." Chandler said as his mother as she looked over at Ross. "Always nice to see you." Nora smiled as Chandler drug her away. "Can't you hit on Joey for once?" he said as he closed the door.

"So about this other stuff?" Ross said as he put his arm around her. "Our kids are at my mother's , I have a bottle of sparkling cider on ice and we haven't done anything for a while." He wrapped himself around her neck and began to kiss it. "Do you think that maybe we could try some of it. I happen to know it is very good psychologically to make love to your husband." Rachel remembered what Nora said and looked at Ross and smiled. "Well in my support group, they did say that we should do things that make us feel good." He took her in his arms and then lifted her up. "And trust me, this will be good." Rachel closed her eyes and put her head down on his shoulder. Yes she knew it would be good.

Note: As promised , I am starting to update so be patient…I'll get to it.

Thanks again and no I am not abandoning my baby , For what was lost..


	11. All She Needs

The two of them entered the room , holding hands. Rachel had a purple Hermes scarf wrapped around her head. She surveyed the room and saw the women sitting and talking with their husbands, there were even a few who had brought their lesbian lovers. This whole scene made Rachel uneasy, but she had been assured by Sarah that this would be a good support group for her and Ross. Her lover and her were part of it as well. As they slowly walked around the room, Sarah came over and gave them a big hug.

"I am so glad you decided to come . " she smiled. "This will be so good for you. " Taking Rachel's hand, she brought her over to meet her partner. "This is Jamie, my wife." She said. Jamie stood up and put her hand out. "So this is Carol's ex? Glad to finally put a face with the name. I absolutely love Ben." Jamie said as she shook Ross' hand. Ross was feeling a little bit more at ease. "He is a good boy." He said.

A lady with a ball cap came to the front of the room and called the room to attention. "Okay, I see we have some new faces tonight. Please stand up and introduce yourselves. And tell us a little bit about yourselves." Rachel slowly stood up and turned to face the group. She would still get nervous even though she was quite used to getting up to give presentations at work. "I am Rachel Geller and I just was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am in charge of marketing for Ralph Lauren and I have two beautiful daughters." She smiled as she thought of her two angels. The lady in charge said. "And I suppose this is your husband?"

In his normal way Ross stood up and said. "I am Rachel's husband, Dr. Ross Geller and I am a professor of paleontology at NYU. Previously I have published five papers that have appeared in many scientific and academic journals. I got my PHd at NYU…" Rachel looked over to him. "Do you have to do that all the time.? They don't care about your dinosaurs. They just wanted to know who you were." She said shaking her head. "Please excuse him." She said to the group.

"Well anyway, welcome. We are here because we all have one thing in common , we are cancer survivors . We are still alive and the reason we have is because we have a strong support. That support is the man or woman sitting next to you. That person made a commitment to love you in sickness and in health, no matter how bad. If you are beginning the journey, don't shut them out. Let them be part of it. Hold each other and just feel the love. " Rachel looked over at Ross and he kissed her on the top of her head like he had done in the past. It was almost as if it was something that was special to just them. "Tell your wife she is beautiful when she looks at her bald head. Hold her hand and keep her company when she is having chemo. Make each day a celebration of life because that is what life is , love." The leader of the group finished and then she sat down. The women talked about their feelings and then the spouses and lovers were urged to tell what this experience has been like for them. Ross stood up and cleared his throat and then he lovingly looked at her with tears in his eyes.

"I have known this woman forever and loved her forever. The first thing, I will admit, attracted me to her was her beauty. But she has a much deeper beauty, she has an inner beauty that can not be destroyed by this disease. She has strength. When I first met this girl , she was leaving her sheltered life and starting a brave new one. She started as a coffee shop waitress and worked her way up to one of the top executives at Ralph Lauren. She decided to have a baby and was willing to raise it on her own. This disease has made me decide to never take advantage of the fact that she is in my life and that I will love her until my dying day." Rachel was now crying. The two of them hugged. Everyone in the room clapped.

The next day Rachel was getting dressed for her chemo appointment. Judy quietly came in and took Emma and Izzy. Ross whispered something to her and then she left.

"What was that all about?" Rachel asked. "You'll see." He said mysteriously with a grin. "I thought that you had that big conference today." Rachel asked. "Cancelled, something more important." He said as he put on his coat. "I am going to spend the day with my wife and then take her out to dinner and dancing and then wherever the night leads us. My mother is watching our daughters , so today is all about you. I believe we have an appointment." He opened the door for her and then they left their house.

Rachel sat down in her chair and took off her top. Shamana hooked up to the iv and started the drip. Ross had disappeared for a few minutes and then came back with two wine glasses and candles. "I know you are supposed to watch movies when you do this, but I thought this would be nice too." He opened a bottle of sparkling cider and poured them each a glass. "To us." He said as they clinked their glasses. "But I did bring a movie. Now which one will it be?" he put in the dvd and the opening of Sleepless in Seattle came on. "I still remember the first time we watched this movie together. Ben was asleep and we cuddled on the couch , eating popcorn and drinking wine. Then when Meg Ryan kissed Tom Hanks on the Empire State Building and that song played, When I Fall in Love, we started to kiss and I never wanted to ever let you go." He leaned into her and stated to sing softly in her ear.

When I fall in love

It will be forever

Or I 'll never fall in love again

In a restless world like this is

Love has ended before it begun

And too many moonlight kisses

Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun…..

Suddenly it was as if Rachel wasn't sick. She could feel his warm breath on her neck and she reached over and began to kiss him. Neither of them cared that anyone was watching, they were in their own world as the movie played on.

Her session was now over and she was once again weak. Leaning her head over , she started to vomit into the basket next to the chair. Ross knelt next to her and rubbed her back. "I don't think I want to go out tonight. Can we just stay in?" Rachel said looking up. "For the lady in my life , anything." Ross answered as he swept her in his arms , throwing her purse over his shoulder as he carried her. He stopped at the video store and asked her what she wanted to see. "You know what movie I haven't seen in a while? Jurassic Park."Rachel answered with a smile. Ross knew she was doing it for him.


	12. Anticipation

For those of you who are still following this story , here is an update…

Rachel crawled up on the table . Her arms were shaking as she got into place. Dr. Cannon began the procedure and the nurse steadied her as she laid on the cushion. She had now been on chemo for at least six months. They were doing a biopsy to see if it had spread or if the chemo was working. She thought hard of her six month journey and how much support she had on the way.

"We're done." Dr. Cannon put a bandaid over the section and then handed it to her nurse. The nurse took the tissue sample and then put it in a vile with the word "Geller." She put it into a envelope and then called for a messenger.

"How long before I will know?" Rachel said as the doctor helped her up from the table.

"Shouldn't be too long. I 'll call you with the results. At best twenty four hours." She said trying to make her more confident. Rachel put her sweater over her freezing arms. The weight loss had made Rachel almost look like she was in a prison camp. Her skin just hung on her bones at this point. She looked down at the hollowed out lump and then touched it to make sure it wasn't going to fall off as well.

"Well?" Ross said as he took her skinny arms and helped her along into the hallway of the medical center. "We'll know." She said mocking the doctor. He took her hand and then he rubbed it , in the hope of heating up her ice cold skin. Doctors are very funny people. They use words like we'll see or won't be long. Ross wondered if real doctors ever had to endure waiting for the results of biopsies or blood counts like they had in the past months. He hadn't done as many medical things when Rachel was pregnant as when she had been diagnosed. Her temperature had to be monitored, her wound had to be cleaned, she had to take her meds and make sure that when her immune system was down, she wouldn't be exposed to any germs. When that happened, he sent the kids to his parents and he himself walked around the house with a surgical mask on. Rachel had to laugh, she said he reminded her of one of the doctors on ER or Gray's Anatomy.

"Hungry?" he said . "I bet you could go for a nice Italian dinner or even some pizza afterwards." Ross looked down at his wife and her body. She never had a fat body, always very sexy to him. Now she was barely at one hundred pounds. He desperately wanted to have the sexy glamorous woman he had before back. Whenever he could feed her something without getting sick, he welcomed that day. They walked into the restaurant and then after ordering, Rachel got sick again. With a promise she would eat later, he had their dinners packed up to go home. Ross just shook his head.

Talking to the Dean at his school gave him an idea to get some nutrition into Rachel. She said if he didn't do something soon, they would have to admit her and feed her intravaneously. The last thing he wanted was to come home to a wife being fed with a tube as she read a story to her children. So Ross went to the store and bought a nutritional supplement for her to drink.

"God ! That's terrible." Rachel said as she sipped from the can. "Can't you do something to it?" she pushed the almost full can back to him. "I feel like I am an eighty year old woman with this stuff." She whined and then began to pout. Ross went to the kitchen and then put the supplement in the blender with some ice cream.

"Here you go, a milkshake." Ross said handing her the glass. Rachel sipped it again and this time she drank the whole thing down. It worked.

It had now been five hours since Rachel left the doctors. She laid in bed as she looked over at the clock.

"I don't think they are calling tonight. Why don't you roll over and I will rub your back.?" Ross said as she turned over onto her stomach. As he rubbed , he was careful not to disturb the catheter or the site of the surgery. He felt like all he was doing was rolling pieces of skin between his fingers. Rachel rested her head on her hands and voiced her contentment.

"Maybe you should have been a masseuse? Given Phoebe a run for her money." She smiled at the joke.

"That good huh?" he smiled. "Well I have been thinking of a career change." She loved his laugh. Now she wanted to be cute. "Aw, wouldn't you miss the dinosaurs?" she cooed. Now they were looking at each other face to face and almost ready when suddenly they heard a tiny voice.

"Daddy!" it said . At that moment, Ross leaped from the bed and Rachel rolled over and closed her eyes.

Emma was shaking in her bed and crying . She was holding on to her stuffed dinosaur for dear life. "What's wrong sweetie?" he said as he picked her up. He was used to having to be the strength in the house. The whole cliché about being the man. He couldn't be the sweet , wimpy one since the diagnosis, he had to be the man. Now he had to be the tender father figure.

"I had a dream that a big monster came up and took mommy away. " she cried. Ross had to admit the insight of a child was right on the money, that was exactly what had happened. At support group, they learned that the children would have it enter their thoughts as well. One time, the kids were asked to draw what they thought cancer looked like. Emma drew a big hairy monster with teeth and fangs.

He picked her up and walked back into their bedroom. Rachel was sound asleep. "See no big bad monster got her. There's mommy and she is sleeping like you should be." Ross said to Emma. With a quick kiss and a reassuring smile, Emma laid down after she was tucked in.

Do you want me to sing your special song so you'll sleep?" Ross asked. Emma nodded her head. He couldn't believe this was the only thing to make her sleep. "I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face." He sang and before he knew it, Emma was fast asleep.

It was now eight hours later, Rachel sat with a cup of coffee and trying to force it down. Her head was wrapped in a scarf as she watched the Today Show. Joey was talking to Meredith Viera about how serious he was involved in the fight against breast cancer. He then had a tear come to his eye as he talked about a dear friend who was battling it right now. That is what made him want to be more involved as a celebrity in the fight.

She kept looking at the phone and wishing it would ring. She also secretly dreaded that call. It could also be the worst news she could have. That the drugs were not working and the cancer had spread. The call could be her death sentence. There was a note in his childish scrawl that Rachel should call him when she got the news. He didn't care if he was in front of a class of students or in a faculty meeting, he wanted and needed to know because she was an extension of him.

The students worked on their exams as the professor watched the clock. He could let them think that their tests were the first thing on his mind. At least when he was grading them, he would have something to occupy his mind from the waiting or watching the phone.

"Time." Ross announced as the students handed in their papers as they left the room. One girl came up and pushed a paper in front of Ross. She was wearing a shirt with the words Kappa Kappa Gamma Dance for the Cure. He looked down at the paper and then made a pledge.

"My wife was a Kappa, so I have to pledge some money or she will never forgive me.' Ross smiled. The girl had a sincere look. "I met your wife and she had to be the most stylish and classiest lady I had ever met. That's why I wanted us to do this as our philanthropic project. Every one knows someone .' she said .

He nodded. "Yes , everyone knows someone." He looked at the clock again.

The doctor took the paper from the technician and studied it. She had to make absolutely sure before she made the call. Handing it to the nurse, she put on her glasses so she could see the neat typing on it. Looking through the file , she pulled up the number and then began to dial it. The sound of the chirping broke the silence causing little Izzy to wake from her nap. Running to get the phone, she saw the caller ID and snatched it from its cradle. Cradling the phone on one shoulder and feeding the baby from her breast, she could only mumble and nod her head. Holding her baby, she pushed the speed dial and then she gave him the news.

They were all sitting around , eating, talking, and just being with each other. They had forgotten what each other had meant to each of them and this disease was just the reminder they needed. Chandler grabbed the phone and then he stood with no expression on his face. Monica knew what the call was about. She got up and stood over him with every uh huh and hmm. Hanging it up, he turned to the others and then breathed a sigh of relief.

"She 's in remission. The cancer has not spread." Suddenly the silence had broken to whoops and cheers. As for Ross, he couldn't wait to leave today and give the woman he loved a big kiss. It looked like she was going to be around for a long time.


	13. Happy Birthday

"Happy Birthday , dear Emma, Happy Birthday to you." Everyone sang as Monica brought out the cake with the six candles. Rachel looked at her daughter with tears in her eyes. She saw the bright eyed girl and wondered how many birthdays would she be at. Remission wasn't a reprieve , it was only a stay until the governor called. It could last ten days or it could last ten years.

"Everyone , I have a surprise. " Ross announced. "Now we all could use a good laugh, so I found something the other day in the closet. I know we are supposed to let Emma see this when she is eighteen, but I thought it would be fun to see Emma's first birthday." Ross bend down and put in the video.

"Are you sure that isn't t another videotape? About a trip to Europe?" Chandler laughed. Ross gave him a look. "No this is when a certain sister and her husband wanted to go to Vermont to have sex and we interrupted them for this party." After the tape was in, Ross put Izzy on his lap and Emma got on her Uncle Joey' s lap. Erica laid her head on her daddy's shoulder. Jack curled up on the floor and just laid down to watch the movie.

"Emma, emma, your name poses a dilemma" sang a younger Phoebe. Phoebe held her toddler on her lap. "See mommy sings to Emma, like she sings to Sophie." Sophie had green eyes and light blonde hair. Phoebe had said that she was her spirit , and also believed that the soul of her late mother, Lily, was in her.

Rachel had to sit and sob as she viewed the tape. They were the greatest friends in the world. This was also the day where all her feelings for Ross returned. She looked over as he pointed out to Izzy the cake that was in the shape of a penis and now was a bunny. Could she even imagine what that picture perfect moment would be like if she wasn't in her children's lives or her husband's? Then she had to laugh as her mother in law told the story of Monica's first birthday that embarrassed Ross. "I bet you didn't know that about your dad." He said sarcastically. There were a lot of days ahead for her. Days of laughter and love. She had to be around.

"Is something wrong, sweetie? Are you feeling alright?" Ross ran right to Rachel's side and sat her down in a chair. "Are you feeling weak? Do you wanna lay down?" Rachel wiped her tears. "No I was just thinking about how I might not be around when we show this again. I remember how you went out of your way to make Emma's first birthday so special." Anger got the best of him. "Don't you fucking talk like that. You are going to be there. You are in remission, remember? You and I will dancing at Emma's wedding." Ross ranted.

"Remission doesn't mean that cancer disappears . It means it remains dormant until it strikes again." Rachel was amazed that she could throw around the medical terms with the same ease as her overly educated husband.

"Rach, you know what? We should go away, just the two of us. I want to take you somewhere special so you can get better. You need to relax." Ross said gently.

"You know what would make me happy?" Rachel said softly.

"Name it , it is yours." Ross was so glad she could be pleased this way.

"I want to take the kids and all of us go to Disney World. Us, Mon and the kids, Phoebe, Mike, Joey and Alex. It would make me feel so good to spend time with the people I love." Rachel also thought that she could spend the remaining time she had left , if this remission wasn't meant to last. She could hold these thoughts to herself.

"Everyone, I have an announcement. " Ross said as he stood up in the middle of the party. "Rach and I would like you all to come with us to Florida. We are going to Disney World." Ross didn't possibly know how he was going to pay for this trip, but he had to find a way.

Joey came over to Ross and took him aside. "Let me pay for it." He said softly. "It is the very least I can do for my friends." Ross shook his head. He had his pride. "I can't do it, Joey, I may not have as much money as you, but I do have some saved up."

"You are my best friend, and Rachel is like a sister to me. I wouldn't do any less if it were Gina or Dina or Cookie. " Joey had to giggle a little. "Besides , think of it as an apology for me breaking your hand or when Rachel thought I proposed to her." Ross gave his friend a hug. "Thanks Joey."

Joey then stood up and told everyone. "Pack your bags. I am taking everyone to Disney World."

Sorry so short , next chapter will be more…


	14. Disney Part 1

You would never guess that the group gathered at JFK was together for such a purpose. Monica and Chandler tried to keep Erica and Jack calmed down before they got on the plane. Emma just kept hugging her Minnie Mouse and Ross tried valiantly to keep her in one place and hold on to Izzy's stroller. Rachel looked the picture of health, except for the wig that rested on her sullen face. She had treated herself to a spray tan, aware that with the chemo, she would have to be covered from the sun. Ben had the job of pushing his stepmother in her wheelchair , which was provided by the airlines. Phoebe just seemed to want to stare over at her friend, trying to recover from the battle. Joey returned holding everyone's plane tickets. The adults would be in first class, the kids in coach with the sitter that had been hired so everyone could enjoy themselves.

"Well that's us." Joey announced as the entourage moved toward the plane's door. Rachel felt very self conscious as she was pushed to the front of the line and first on the plane. Her arms were like little twigs , showing the significant weight loss from the disease. She had found a special tank top specifically for her needs at a breast boutique. Reconstructive surgery was still months away. They wanted to make sure that her system was clear of the cancer. The flight attendant took control of the chair and then Rachel was taken to her seat.

"I don't know whether I feel like royalty or an invalid?" Rachel said as she was settled in her seat. Ross had managed to be seated next to her at the same time. "Well, you are my queen, so I guess you are royalty." He said patting her hand. He then leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. "And for once, no puzzle on the flight." He announced. That brought a giggle to Rachel's face. She had fond memories of that Vegas flight.

Phoebe managed to be seated back in coach, so she could take care of the kids, especially Emma and Izzy. Ben was perfectly content to sit with his Ipod on and listen to his music. He just hoped that this trip wouldn't be lame, after all he was a teenager now. His blonde hair covered his eyes. Sophie sat next to her daddy and he helped with the twins.

Alex Tribbiani curled her arm around her husband's. "This has got to be the sweetest thing you have ever done. I knew that you were a good guy under that whole "player" exterior." She cooed. "These people are my family, they believed in me when no one did, even my own family." He said sincerely. "I was so shocked when you called and told me to get on a plane to New York and then this." She said.

"I kind of feel bad that Phoebe and Mike are with the kids in coach." Monica sighed. "It was their idea." Alex said. "They know how hard this has been and wanted you guys to have a relaxing flight."

"I just think it is great that we could do this all together. " Monica said. Rachel just laid her head back and then laid it on her husband's .This was family. They all were. If she could fight this, she could do anything. After all, she had gone from waitress to executive. She had tackled single motherhood and she could truthfully say she had it all. A great career, two beautiful children, great friends, and a loving husband.

After a short flight, the plane started to make its approach into Orlando International Airport. As the kids looked out the window, they saw blue pools and lots of cars. Emma strained her eyes. "Hey , I can't see Cinderella's Castle." She yelled. "And where is Mickey Mouse?" cried Jack. Mike knew what he had to do. "Well, guys those are all the houses and cars, " Then he spotted some big building and decided to invent the castle."Look Emma, there it is." It could have been a church or a hotel, but to Emma , it was the place where dreams come true.

The flight attendant had collected the champagne glasses and was preparing for the landing. "We are approaching Orlando , the temperature is eighty five degrees."

"Eighty five! Back home it is snowing." Yelled Chandler. When the plane touched down, it startled Rachel. She woke to see that Ross was still asleep and snoring. She took her hand and tapped him. "Ross?" she said softly. Nothing. Rachel tapped him again and called him. Still nothing. She took her hand and smacked the top of his head and yelled. "Ross ! Wake up! We're here." Ross had to admit he was exhausted and the nap was refreshing.

As everyone got off the plane, Rachel leaned on Chandler so Ross could have a break. Ross rubbed his eyes and then he gave a sleepy smile to his sister who held him up. "I know that you are tired as well. This hasn't been easy on any of us, but you have suffered the most of us. " Monica said with admiration. "I admire you , big brother."

The flight attendant had the wheelchair waiting as Chandler eased Rachel in it. "You OK?" he said. Rachel nodded. " They had also arranged for a cart to transport her through the airport. "Wow I feel like a celebrity." Rachel said with awe. Joey smiled and gave her a kiss. "I arranged this when we put together the trip. There are a few very special surprises as well." He smiled. Emma ran into her mother's lap as Phoebe held Izzy's hand. "Mommy, we are going to see Mickey Mouse." Emma jumped up and down. Rachel picked her up with a little help from her uncle. "Yes sweetie, we are." She whispered. The cart maneuvered through the airport to the waiting car.

"It's a limo." Squealed Rachel. "A big huge limo. Oh Joey, thank you." Rachel hugged him. "I told you nothing but first class." He said.

Palm trees festooned the front of the luxury hotel. The tower was modeled after a turn of the century resort. The lobby was huge. Since everyone had been separated in cars and compartments, it was nice that kids and parents were reunited.

"Here is your suite." The concierge said as she wheeled in Rachel to their mammoth hotel room. There was a room for Izzy, Emma , and Ben and another larger room for Ross and Rachel. This was actually the lay out for each couple except for Alex and Joey, since they were the ones with no kids. Ross and Rachel had the most kids, so they had the biggest suite. Ben grabbed his cell and started out the door. "And where are you going ?" Ross asked sternly. "We are settling in and then we are going to dinner." Ben turned and said. "There are girls , Dad. I'll be back." Ross turned to Rachel for confirmation. "Let him go. You remember what it was like to be fifteen?" she said gently. Yes he did , especially when he first saw her in a pink bikini.

"It's their trip." Monica said as she unpacked clothes for the kids. Chandler nodded. "I know, but I just know he is going to drag me to Universal and that Jurassic Park ride." He moaned. "Or to EPCOT and all that science stuff."

"Is it really so bad?" Monica said , knowing full well that after growing up with Ross it was. "I mean , I put up with your Miss Congeniality and those Will and Grace marathons. Surely you can put up with the science stuff, Rachel is going to want to spend time with her kids and then she will be exhausted." Chandler knew that as painful as it was, he would do this for his best friend.

"Mommy! Where is my princesses shirt?" Erica yelled. Monica had to laugh at her. She was so close to her cousin that she was becoming the little fashionista.

"Sophie, do you want to go see Mickey?" Phoebe said as she changed her daughter. Her bright eyes made her so glad that she was finally a mother. She had finally gotten the soccer mom , normal existence that she had wanted. Sophie wouldn't have the kind of life she did. She would have a loving mom and daddy and a nice house. And Phoebe would love her like no other mother had loved her. Mike was getting the video camera ready to capture this memorable trip.

"And now I think I should reward the hero. "Alex said as they were finally settled in their own luxury suite. Her and Joey were savoring these moments as they stood holding each other. "I like this." Joey smiled and then he had to say the line that made Alex laugh. "How you doin?" he leaned into her and then the two of them kissed.

Rachel stared out the window and felt the warm Florida sun on her face. For the first time in weeks, she actually had an appetite. She had to say something. "Honey, I hope we are eating soon. I actually am starving." Ross ran over and hugged her."You are hungry?" he asked surprised. Rachel smiled and nodded. "Yep, could eat a horse." He took her in his arms and he didn't care who knew it. She was getting better. She was going to be fine.

Hey there everyone . I am updating …I would like to dedicate this story to my sis and dear friend , Jen…. It is great to be talking again.


	15. Disney Part 2

The sun peeked through the windows of the resort. Rachel wished she could sleep, but she had gotten up hours ago. She pulled herself from the bed, and looked over at Ross. It seemed like this had made him more exhausted and was starting to look a little older. She smiled and then sadly kissed him and walked to the desk.

It had been easy to be positive, but she still had to face the facts. She took some of the Disney stationary and begin to draft eight letters. It was going to be hard to do this, and she couldn't let any one see them. It might make them nervous or worse yet, think that she had given up hope. When she heard the wrestling of the covers, she immediately put the papers away and ran back to the bed.

"Good morning , sweetheart." She said as she brushed his dark hair from his eyes. "

"Why are you up? What's wrong?" Ross immediately threw the covers off and ran to the phone. "Do you need to go to the hospital or something?" Rachel waved him away. "No, I just couldn't sleep. Nothing's wrong. You have got to stop thinking that just because I am not hungry or not sleepy, the cancer is coming back."

"Speaking of that, it is time for me to take your temp and your medicines." Ross said as he got the small bag and thermometer. He put the device in her mouth and then held her hand to take her pulse. Rachel looked over at him . Then he took out the thermometer. "Normal." He said.

Rachel swallowed the pills and drank her water as he watched helplessly. "You know, if someone didn't know better, they would think you really were a doctor." Rachel giggled. "You are my only patient, and I am going to do everything to make you better." Ross leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. Now we have three kids who have slept long enough. He went to the other room and woke up Ben and Emma. "Come on Izzy," he said as he lifted her from the crib. She cuddled onto her daddy and just laid her head back down.

"Man it is too early." Ben complained.

"Well, we are supposed to meet everyone downstairs and then go to breakfast. So move it." Ross ordered. "I am going to get Izzy ready."

"This is supposed to be a vacation." Ben moaned. "A time to chill." He then opened his suitcase and pulled out a pair of cargo shorts and a tank top. Emma wore her Disney princess shirt and a pair of pink shorts and tennis shoes. Within a few minutes, everyone was ready and they headed for the restaurant downstairs. The waitresses were ready and eager to serve the large group. Sophie pushed the sausage away from her eggs, vegetarian like her mother. Alex looked on as Joey shuffled the omelet, bacon, ham, and grits in his mouth. "Same old Joey." Chandler mumbled as Jack tried to start a food fight with his cereal. He was aiming it toward his sister. "Jack, stop it. If you are not good, we are not going to the park today." Monica scorned. "Chandler, why aren't you doing something instead of just sitting there? These are your kids too." Chandler just grumbled and then said. "This isn't the place Jackie, but if you really want to do this , do it like this." He picked up the spoon and then sent the grits soaring through the air, landing on Ross trying to feed Izzy. Chandler was laughing and then so was Joey. Ross didn't find it all funny. "Some of us are grownups who have to be the parents. Rachel was nibbling at her pancake and then looked over and began to giggle. It just felt great to laugh again. Ross wiped his face and then turned to see Rachel smile. That did make it worth it. He decided to play with his little friends.

"Think its funny , Bing." He nodded and picked up his own spoon. "Well , this is funny too." He sent the spoon of eggs into Chandler's hair. Ben was getting into the act too. "Alright , food fight." He yelled. "Hey Uncle Joey." He said as he sent a spoon of eggs sailing at Joey. "You shouldn't have done that , Geller." Joey said and then there was all out war. With food flying and the babies giggling. Monica was horrified to see that breakfast was an all out attack, until she saw Rachel laughing.

"Get him Chandler!" she yelled as he let another spoonful of eggs fly toward Ross. Phoebe and Alex had joined in now. Monica just shrugged her shoulders. If this would make Rachel laugh and smile, then so be it. She picked up her own spoon. "Hey Geller, eat this!" it landed on Ross's head . Rachel clapped with glee.

After they cleaned everyone up, the gang went into the Magic Kingdom. The kids were anxious to meet the Disney characters , except of course for teen aged Ben.

"How you doin?" he smiled with a toss of his blonde hair and a smile. The girl working at the store smiled at him as they began to talk. She had long dark hair and brown eyes. He wasn't a kid after all , and he needed to get away from all this kiddie stuff.

"Look!" exclaimed Erica. "It's Mickey." She jumped up and down as the group strolled the gateway near Cinderella's Castle. The Disney costumed characters had been strolling around Fantasyland following the parade.

"Can I have your autograph?" Jack cried as the large mouse bowed down to take his Disney autograph book. The mother of a little girl who was with Minnie looked over to see her own celebrity.

"Oh my God, you're Joey Tribbiani!" the woman screamed. "I have followed you from when you were Dr Drake Ramoray on Days of our Lives and I voted to save you when you were on Deep Powder." Joey smiled and gave one of his trademark looks. Then he realized that those days were long gone. Alex took the book from the lady. "Here my husband will sign this." She said with a smile. Joey signed it and then he kissed her on the cheek. The lady took her daughter and then held her cheek. "I will never forget this. Thank you." Then the two of them walked away.

"That was sweet." Rachel smiled. "And Alex that was so nice."

Alex just grinned. "Well I have just gotten used to this big guy being loved by other women. And it used to bother me , but then I realized something. I have this man every day and for the rest of my life . I am the lucky one and when these women see him in the magazines, or on a talk show or the big or little screen, that he makes their lives a little better for a short time. He makes me happy 24 /7."

Rachel knew who her first letter was going to be to, Ross and Chandler had went to Epcot. Actually Ross had dragged him to all the science exhibits, and Chandler griped along. Monica and Phoebe had taken the kids to play at the special hotel playground . Ben had decided to go to Blizzard Beach and Joey and Alex were just being alone. Mike tagged along with the guys. Rachel was all alone and then she took out her paper and began to write.

_Dear Joey,_

_I know as you are reading this, you are crying. All the time , you try to come as across as the macho ladies man. I know deep down the real Joey, who held me when I was scared watching Cujo and who promised me that I would never be alone when I found out that I was pregnant with Emma. You are a man with a heart and this trip is proof of that. I want to say thank you for everything that you have done for me through the years. Thank you for being my friend and my brother. Thank you for being the best and coolest roommate in the world too. (PS Don't show this part to anyone else I lived with) You never put any pressure on me to be something I wasn't , you let me have fun and I always had a good time with you._

_I know that Alex knows she has something special in you. I was so happy when you finally found someone to settle down with. I remember when you had feelings for me and I had something for you. But that is another thing about you, your love for your friends. We could have never really gone anywhere ,because we both didn't want to hurt our friend. The friend I would love above any man and marry. I was happy because we had started our stories with all of us looking for love. Now we have all found it. _

_I know that I shouldn't be thinking of my death right now, but when something like this happens, you can't help but think of it. I want you to always be happy and to make Alex happy. I also want you to be able to tell my children what a wonderful mom I was. Also be able to tell them that I could be silly and have fun as well. Tell them about sailing and the vicar. I want you to remember the fun loving Rachel Green Geller. I wish you luck and love_

_Love ya Rachel……_

She took the paper and licked the envelope …. Six to go……


End file.
